I often do these word studies that lead me to much needed revelations. Lately I have been feeling a sense of frustration about the process of becoming a woman. Motherhood is a huge responsibility and with five kids, I'm pulled in so many directions that I don't know which way is up or down. It's a constant struggle. I try to do right by my kids, say the right thing, make sure I don't mess them up for life, but the truth is, I never really know what I'm doing. Sometimes I find myself thinking about where I would be and what I would be doing with my life if I didn't have this huge responsibility and there was just me to think of. I have so many hopes and dreams and things that I want to do in this lifetime, but time keeps passing me by. I wake up and before I know it, it's bedtime and the things I hoped to accomplish towards my personal goals just get sat on a shelf for tomorrow, then tomorrow never comes. Now I'm looking at a shelf full of unfinished business and the only word that pops out in my head is "sacrifice".
That word birthed my latest drawing. "Sacrifice" has been a reoccurring theme in my life. I know it's kind of weird but lately I've had this image in my head that I can't shake. Me hanging on the cross beside Jesus. I know, it's dramatic, but more times than I'd like to mention, that's exactly how I feel, like I'm suffering, hanging on a cross. So I've finally gotten the image that's in my head, out on paper.
Now, I did a little research about the two men that were crucified with Jesus and found a quite wonderful story behind them. They were both criminals and the one guy to His left was mocking Jesus with the rest of the sinners. Silly rabbit, up there hanging with his Savior and he had the nerve to join the crowd. But the beauty in this story is found with the criminal who was hanging on the right side of Jesus. He spoke up for Jesus and proclaimed that He shouldn't be there because He had done nothing wrong. Then as an act of faith, he looked over at Jesus and said, "Remember me when You come into Your kingdom." And Jesus said to him, "Truely, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."(Luke 23:43)
Now when I think of sacrifice, there is no greater sacrifice than Jesus giving His life so that I might live. Jesus was a beautiful green tree growing and thriving in the prime of His life when He was cut down. He knew what was going to happen to Him, but He did it anyway. He carried the tree that the soldiers cut down for Him, hung on it, and died so that my tree could continue to grow, forever. And when the women were weeping with sorrow, mourning His predicament as He carried his cross through the streets, He told them, "Do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and your children. For the days are surely coming when they will say, "Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never nursed," for if they do this when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?" (Luke 23:27-31) Now if Jesus had to suffer so terribly when He was innocent, what should my sacrifice be? Did He really believe that my life was greater than His own? Clearly the right man was chosen for that task, and clearly the right woman was chosen for this task. We all have our own cross to bear.
So I weep for myself and my children because I am a good mother. And I will suffer because suffering is my blessing. And I will be the woman hanging on a green tree, to the right of Him, defending Him until my last breath so that one day, I can be with Him in Paradise. Gotta keep my eye on the prize and don't look back! Let the church say Amen!
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