See you there!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Day Four: Ahoy
In 2007 I finished the first draft of my soon to be published (fingers crossed and speaking it into existence) book. Back then, the biggest project of my life was an extravagant book dummy that had to be finished before I graduated college. I had three kids and was a full time student, trying to get that degree. Life was in disarray, my load was heavy, and my knees were buckling. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was just walking blindly by faith. I drew this picture of my kids and dedicated the 1st draft of my book to my three babies, urging them to never give up and to believe in themselves.
I just ran across this picture yesterday and realized that since then my boat has gotten a lot bigger. I have more kids to haul, the waters are rougher than they were back then, and what didn't kill me made me stronger. I've got muscles like a mug from the many voyages that I have been on in this lifetime! There are still no paddles, my hands are too full to hold any.
I'm just holding on for dear life to my crew, trying to keep us all safely inside the boat, as we ride the waves on this river of chaos! God is my Captain.
I just ran across this picture yesterday and realized that since then my boat has gotten a lot bigger. I have more kids to haul, the waters are rougher than they were back then, and what didn't kill me made me stronger. I've got muscles like a mug from the many voyages that I have been on in this lifetime! There are still no paddles, my hands are too full to hold any.
I'm just holding on for dear life to my crew, trying to keep us all safely inside the boat, as we ride the waves on this river of chaos! God is my Captain.
The storm has been upgraded, so I had to upgrade my boat. Ahoy matey!
Thar she blows! LOL!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Surrender: Day Three
Surrender: To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion. To give up or give back.
This work has served as a reminder to let go. I am not the one in control. Given time, what's ornately on the inside, will find it's way out. So that's why that little morphed figure showed up and wouldn't go away. It's my spirit, struggling to break free.
I didn't expect the feeling of relief that would come out of producing this drawing. It started off one way and took a turn for the better. I have so many images that I'd like to create jumbled up in my head all the time, that it gets constipated. I hardly find the time, make the time, or take the time to get any of it out. So it just builds and builds and I get more anxious and agitated by the second. Committing to do this 100 days of art challenge will force me to release some of this stuff that's been bursting at the seams to get out, little by little. I can only imagine what will come out of this journey. Hopefully, it will be a sweet surrender. I know one thing, I'm laying it all at the foot of the cross! "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help." (Psalms 121:1)
It's funny how in the beginning I started out feeling stressed and inadequate and ended up feeling encouraged and renewed. There are so many subtle nuances that showed up in this drawing unintentionally. I'm disappointed when people feel the need to tell you what to look for in their art. I'd rather find it myself. Art has to be experienced individually by the viewer. To me, a great illustration has you seeing something more every time you look at it. So I won't point out all of the symbolism, I'll just say it's there for you to discover. I hope it makes you feel something because I poured a lot of feeling into it.
I'm looking forward to the next project. I'm gonna have to purge and see what comes out. I hope to turn this sketchbook drawing into a beautiful painting someday, but for now...it is finished. Amen. Next!
This work has served as a reminder to let go. I am not the one in control. Given time, what's ornately on the inside, will find it's way out. So that's why that little morphed figure showed up and wouldn't go away. It's my spirit, struggling to break free.
I didn't expect the feeling of relief that would come out of producing this drawing. It started off one way and took a turn for the better. I have so many images that I'd like to create jumbled up in my head all the time, that it gets constipated. I hardly find the time, make the time, or take the time to get any of it out. So it just builds and builds and I get more anxious and agitated by the second. Committing to do this 100 days of art challenge will force me to release some of this stuff that's been bursting at the seams to get out, little by little. I can only imagine what will come out of this journey. Hopefully, it will be a sweet surrender. I know one thing, I'm laying it all at the foot of the cross! "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help." (Psalms 121:1)
It's funny how in the beginning I started out feeling stressed and inadequate and ended up feeling encouraged and renewed. There are so many subtle nuances that showed up in this drawing unintentionally. I'm disappointed when people feel the need to tell you what to look for in their art. I'd rather find it myself. Art has to be experienced individually by the viewer. To me, a great illustration has you seeing something more every time you look at it. So I won't point out all of the symbolism, I'll just say it's there for you to discover. I hope it makes you feel something because I poured a lot of feeling into it.
I'm looking forward to the next project. I'm gonna have to purge and see what comes out. I hope to turn this sketchbook drawing into a beautiful painting someday, but for now...it is finished. Amen. Next!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Sacrifice: Day Two
Sacrifice: Forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim.
I often do these word studies that lead me to much needed revelations. Lately I have been feeling a sense of frustration about the process of becoming a woman. Motherhood is a huge responsibility and with five kids, I'm pulled in so many directions that I don't know which way is up or down. It's a constant struggle. I try to do right by my kids, say the right thing, make sure I don't mess them up for life, but the truth is, I never really know what I'm doing. Sometimes I find myself thinking about where I would be and what I would be doing with my life if I didn't have this huge responsibility and there was just me to think of. I have so many hopes and dreams and things that I want to do in this lifetime, but time keeps passing me by. I wake up and before I know it, it's bedtime and the things I hoped to accomplish towards my personal goals just get sat on a shelf for tomorrow, then tomorrow never comes. Now I'm looking at a shelf full of unfinished business and the only word that pops out in my head is "sacrifice".
That word birthed my latest drawing. "Sacrifice" has been a reoccurring theme in my life. I know it's kind of weird but lately I've had this image in my head that I can't shake. Me hanging on the cross beside Jesus. I know, it's dramatic, but more times than I'd like to mention, that's exactly how I feel, like I'm suffering, hanging on a cross. So I've finally gotten the image that's in my head, out on paper.
Now, I did a little research about the two men that were crucified with Jesus and found a quite wonderful story behind them. They were both criminals and the one guy to His left was mocking Jesus with the rest of the sinners. Silly rabbit, up there hanging with his Savior and he had the nerve to join the crowd. But the beauty in this story is found with the criminal who was hanging on the right side of Jesus. He spoke up for Jesus and proclaimed that He shouldn't be there because He had done nothing wrong. Then as an act of faith, he looked over at Jesus and said, "Remember me when You come into Your kingdom." And Jesus said to him, "Truely, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."(Luke 23:43)
Now when I think of sacrifice, there is no greater sacrifice than Jesus giving His life so that I might live. Jesus was a beautiful green tree growing and thriving in the prime of His life when He was cut down. He knew what was going to happen to Him, but He did it anyway. He carried the tree that the soldiers cut down for Him, hung on it, and died so that my tree could continue to grow, forever. And when the women were weeping with sorrow, mourning His predicament as He carried his cross through the streets, He told them, "Do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and your children. For the days are surely coming when they will say, "Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never nursed," for if they do this when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?" (Luke 23:27-31) Now if Jesus had to suffer so terribly when He was innocent, what should my sacrifice be? Did He really believe that my life was greater than His own? Clearly the right man was chosen for that task, and clearly the right woman was chosen for this task. We all have our own cross to bear.
So I weep for myself and my children because I am a good mother. And I will suffer because suffering is my blessing. And I will be the woman hanging on a green tree, to the right of Him, defending Him until my last breath so that one day, I can be with Him in Paradise. Gotta keep my eye on the prize and don't look back! Let the church say Amen!
I often do these word studies that lead me to much needed revelations. Lately I have been feeling a sense of frustration about the process of becoming a woman. Motherhood is a huge responsibility and with five kids, I'm pulled in so many directions that I don't know which way is up or down. It's a constant struggle. I try to do right by my kids, say the right thing, make sure I don't mess them up for life, but the truth is, I never really know what I'm doing. Sometimes I find myself thinking about where I would be and what I would be doing with my life if I didn't have this huge responsibility and there was just me to think of. I have so many hopes and dreams and things that I want to do in this lifetime, but time keeps passing me by. I wake up and before I know it, it's bedtime and the things I hoped to accomplish towards my personal goals just get sat on a shelf for tomorrow, then tomorrow never comes. Now I'm looking at a shelf full of unfinished business and the only word that pops out in my head is "sacrifice".
That word birthed my latest drawing. "Sacrifice" has been a reoccurring theme in my life. I know it's kind of weird but lately I've had this image in my head that I can't shake. Me hanging on the cross beside Jesus. I know, it's dramatic, but more times than I'd like to mention, that's exactly how I feel, like I'm suffering, hanging on a cross. So I've finally gotten the image that's in my head, out on paper.
Now, I did a little research about the two men that were crucified with Jesus and found a quite wonderful story behind them. They were both criminals and the one guy to His left was mocking Jesus with the rest of the sinners. Silly rabbit, up there hanging with his Savior and he had the nerve to join the crowd. But the beauty in this story is found with the criminal who was hanging on the right side of Jesus. He spoke up for Jesus and proclaimed that He shouldn't be there because He had done nothing wrong. Then as an act of faith, he looked over at Jesus and said, "Remember me when You come into Your kingdom." And Jesus said to him, "Truely, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."(Luke 23:43)
Now when I think of sacrifice, there is no greater sacrifice than Jesus giving His life so that I might live. Jesus was a beautiful green tree growing and thriving in the prime of His life when He was cut down. He knew what was going to happen to Him, but He did it anyway. He carried the tree that the soldiers cut down for Him, hung on it, and died so that my tree could continue to grow, forever. And when the women were weeping with sorrow, mourning His predicament as He carried his cross through the streets, He told them, "Do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and your children. For the days are surely coming when they will say, "Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never nursed," for if they do this when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?" (Luke 23:27-31) Now if Jesus had to suffer so terribly when He was innocent, what should my sacrifice be? Did He really believe that my life was greater than His own? Clearly the right man was chosen for that task, and clearly the right woman was chosen for this task. We all have our own cross to bear.
So I weep for myself and my children because I am a good mother. And I will suffer because suffering is my blessing. And I will be the woman hanging on a green tree, to the right of Him, defending Him until my last breath so that one day, I can be with Him in Paradise. Gotta keep my eye on the prize and don't look back! Let the church say Amen!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The Force: Day One
Nov. 1st was the start date of my 100 days of art challenge. To explain, a few of my art buddies and I have decided to vow to create something every day for 100 days and blog about the journey. I've decided to work on something for a week at most, then move on to something else after a week to keep it fresh. I'm going to try to blog as often as possible, at least weekly. My plan is to spend at least an hour everyday creating something. And I am already discouraged because I didn't have a free moment to myself until 11 pm last night and even then it wasn't really a moment to myself because I was drawing in the dark holding the baby trying to put him to sleep at the same time. Seems like when I make up my mind to do something that I know will be good for me , some unknown force gets in the way and messes it all up for me. I wanted to give up since the baby and my support system didn't seem to comply with my desires to take a few moments out of my day to fulfill myself, but instead, I kept pressing on... with one hand. After erasing over and over again, I came up with this half way sucky drawing of how I feel right about now. It's not what's really in my head, I still have to find a way to get the real image out but "The Force" is present in this rendition, so it's fitting.
I was trying to capture a mother's sacrifice. I'm going to keep working at it this week to see if I can get what's in my head onto the paper. I need to hire a nude model because I also realized after erasing so much that the lines were indented into the page, that I suck at drawing what I love to draw most, the woman's figure. That's really the foundation of all my art. That little figure that looks like it's morphing out of her chest came from all my erasure marks. I thought it was kind of cool so I penciled it back in. I'm gonna do something with it, I don't know what.
So what was supposed to be a relieving moment became a painful realization as always, that I have a lot of work to do to become the artist that I want to be. But I be darned if I let "The Force" stop me from trying! I'm gonna fake it till I make it and pray that the next 99 days are not as miserable as the first one.
I was trying to capture a mother's sacrifice. I'm going to keep working at it this week to see if I can get what's in my head onto the paper. I need to hire a nude model because I also realized after erasing so much that the lines were indented into the page, that I suck at drawing what I love to draw most, the woman's figure. That's really the foundation of all my art. That little figure that looks like it's morphing out of her chest came from all my erasure marks. I thought it was kind of cool so I penciled it back in. I'm gonna do something with it, I don't know what.
So what was supposed to be a relieving moment became a painful realization as always, that I have a lot of work to do to become the artist that I want to be. But I be darned if I let "The Force" stop me from trying! I'm gonna fake it till I make it and pray that the next 99 days are not as miserable as the first one.
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